UPDATED: Sixtysomething_S2_Ep20 – Father’s Day Special: Honoring Our Dads and the Lasting Power of Love

Sixtysomething_S2_Ep20 – Father’s Day Special: Honoring Our Dads and the Lasting Power of Love

[00:00:00] Hello friends and welcome back to 60 something. I'm Grace, and today's episode is about Father's Day, which is today. I wanna honor the holiday by talking not just about my dad, but about the role of fathers in our lives, their presence, their absence. Their impact, sometimes tender, sometimes complicated, sometimes painful.

This episode is for anyone who loved their dad deeply or lost him at some point, or never really had him. It's for those who are watching their own sons become fathers, and for those who are carrying the weight of a difficult or even traumatic father child relationship, it's for anyone who feels [00:01:00] the impact of Father's Day.

I have to start by telling you about my own dad, Don Taylor. Well. I idolized him. To me, he was everything a dad should be. He was strong. He was a great athlete. He received both football and baseball scholarships to college. Dad was successful in business. He was clever, very ambitious too. He had. An infectious personality, even though he was actually very introverted.

I think he was a homebody, but he knew how to socialize a born leader. So sure of what was right, and I never knew him to tell a lie. So he was honest and quite serious, but [00:02:00] he could be so funny. He was very handsome. One time he came to my grade school to bring me my lunch that I forgot. Very rare occurrence for dad to come to school, and my friend said to me, is that your dad?

He looks like a movie star. My dad developed a drinking problem during my high school years, and it plagued him and us for most of the rest of his life. It created problems in his career, in his relationships, especially with me and my brothers, and it compromised his health.

My relationship with my dad. Could be very confusing, but three things about him I'm absolutely sure of. He loved my mom. Like the guys in the [00:03:00] romance novels, that was a love story. My friends, he loved our family. Family first was something he lived by. He was fiercely loyal and he loved me. Like maybe no one has ever loved me too much for a while there because he wanted to control my life so I wouldn't make any mistakes and suffer for them.

And when I did, 'cause I didn't listen to him, he helped me figure things out again and again and again. My mom too. And they forgave and forgave because I made a lot of mistakes. We lived close to each other for the last 20 years of their lives. So I always say we lived our lives together. We spent every holiday [00:04:00] together.

Mom and dad helped me raise my five kids from the front lines. They made my career possible by taking care of the kids when I had to work a lot or travel, and my dad loved that. He loved having them around. If he could have had us live with them forever, he would have, even with all of the chaos that comes with having own kids around, he was all in.

God, I loved him, but I was mad at him for a long time. He was tougher than he needed to be on me and my brothers too for many years starting in high school, and it took us both some years of maturing more to find a way to understand and forgive each other. I never thought that I didn't love him. But for a [00:05:00] long time I resented him and I didn't wanna spend a lot of time with him eventually.

However, all I could see clearly was a thing that really mattered. He loved me. And I loved him right back. We had over 10 years of what basically I would call a love fest and I would not trade that. Hell, I wouldn't trade any of it, even the rough years for anything.

He was my dad. He wasn't perfect. But he was mine and his voice. It's still the voice in my head. For better and worse, it echoes in the choices I make. The way I love and the legacy I wanna leave for my [00:06:00] own kids. I was blessed 'cause I had a second dad. I never thought I would say that my dad and his place in my life, it was holy to me.

So unique and so precious. No one ever could take his place in my heart. But sadly, my dad died relatively young and suddenly at just short of 69 years old, had already been married to Aaron for 12 years and was. Well acquainted with his dad, Bob Segal. This man, you had to know him to appreciate his gigantic personality.

They called people like him. Damon Runes. After the distinctive style of American writer Damon Runyon,

it indicates, uh, sort of a [00:07:00] flare for the dramatic, colorful dialogue and exaggerated, often gangster like, yeah, that was Bob Charming as a prince full of stories of doubtful nature. But he was. Like my dad completely devoted to his family, the love of his life, the yellow rose of Texas, Jackie, the lovely and toughest nails wife that he adored and their three sons.

Jackie died pretty early. In 2003 at 71. Eventually he moved to an assisted living community, and there he met Joan, a former Las Vegas dancer who continued to dress [00:08:00] like she was a movie star. Right down to the high heels she wore every single day. What a pair they sang, danced, laughed and loved. They even got married, but they were parted after a few years. When he died at 94 in 2019, their relationship was beautiful because they both came alive again. When they met, I became. Very close to Bob over the years. He would always tell me he loved me like I was his daughter, and it did feel that way.

I've never known a person who could give such a warm welcome. The look on his face, his smile, the way he'd reach out his hand for yours. It made me feel like the most special person in the world, [00:09:00] like his daughter. We saw him almost every weekend for years. First alone, and then with Joan, and sometimes I'd just pop over there to the assisted living and have coffee with them during the week.

Couple of times they were drinking wine before lunch and we all three got drunk together. I could go on and on about this wonderful man, but I know you get the idea. I feel so blessed to have had two fathers in my life who meant so much to me. Bob really helped me cope with losing my dad. There couldn't have been more different, and yet they were both full of love, loyalty, and devotion to family.

How about present day? Well. Over the past 50 years, fatherhood has changed dramatically. Don't you think? Back in [00:10:00] our time, the dads were expected to be stoic tough. The silent authority figures, they didn't talk about feelings. They weren't expected to nurture. They provided, they disciplined, they stood tall and apart.

Yeah, but something shifted. There was this quiet revolution in parenting, and now we see fathers who

read the goodnight stories, who. Pack lunches who know how to braid hair and show up at every game or recital. Many dads today are emotionally present in their children's lives in ways previous generations couldn't even imagine. That's something to celebrate, but for many of our generation, especially our experience with our fathers wasn't always rosy.[00:11:00]

Some of us grew up with dads who were there in body, but not in spirit. Men who didn't know how to connect. Others of us have had dads who struggled with addiction or mental health or anger, and some have been raised with no father at all.

But the truth is that whether your father was troubled or absent, you're left with a wound, perhaps a hunger for approval. A question that can echo for a lifetime was I lovable. Wasn't I enough? And then there are people who grew up in homes torn apart by divorce, especially when the divorce was hostile, when children were used as weapons.

When one parent poisoned the well against the other, [00:12:00] uh, toxic divorce can damage kids in ways that can take decades to unravel. And if addiction or abuse was part of the story, well that's just another layer of pain.

But what do we do with all of this? Well, forgiveness is powerful, but it can also be complicated. Forgiveness doesn't mean pretending it didn't happen. It doesn't mean letting someone back into your life who was unsafe or abusive. What it can mean is loosening your grip on this story that you've carried and letting yourself be free.

You don't owe anyone forgiveness, but if you wanna find it for your own peace, there are ways through therapy, journaling, prayer. [00:13:00] Talking with a trusted friend, writing a letter that you don't ever have to send saying out loud, maybe for the first time that wasn't okay. I didn't deserve that, and so powerful.

I release it for those who are still living with unresolved pain from childhood. Consider reaching out to a professional. A good counselor can be life changing, and then you don't have to carry it all by yourself. Now I wanna talk about a bright life in my life, probably in yours too. My children, uh, in this case fathers.

Uh, my four sons, three of them are fathers, one of them is a cat dad, the fourth one. And [00:14:00] watching these young men parent their own children has been a real joy to me. They're not perfect. Parents, but they're pretty close. They're just so deep in the trenches of parenthood in a way that dads just never used to be.

The love and the pride I've witnessed over the years that they have for their kids the way their worlds revolve around their children, and I see patience that. The effort they put in the prioritizing of their children and their family life. That evolution of fatherhood.

It's one of the best things about the times in which we're living. So whether Father's Day fills your heart with warmth or makes [00:15:00] it ache a little or both. I see you.

And last but not least, I wanna recognize my husband, who I think has been a wonderful father. He's calm and caring and prioritized our family in ways that as a single mom, a really. I hadn't been able to, my world revolved around my kids, but we didn't, I wasn't, I was a little bohemian in the way that I was living, and he came in and traditionalized some things that I think was really good for our family and.[00:16:00]

Is the calmness that he brought into our lives and the happiness that he brought to my life

at Kimberly Express. How much I appreciate it and how much I love him. So. I hope this episode helped you recall some special memories you experienced with your dad, or if that's not something you have in your life, my intention is that you feel a little more understood, a little more seen, and a little more at peace.

If today's episode meant something to you, would you share it with her friend? And if you haven't already, please take a moment to rate and review the show. It helps people find 60 something. [00:17:00] You can also join the conversation in our Facebook group. We'd love to have you.

I am wishing you the best today and always, however you're spending this Father's Day with love. I'm Grace, and I'll see you next time when we'll brainstorm together on how the heck to declutter our homes and lives with legacy in mind. This is a big project that I'm currently caught up in and I was hoping that we could sort of. Figure it out together. It's not the easiest thing in the world.

Uh, so I'm looking forward to doing that with you till [00:18:00] then.