The Sixtysomething Podcast, Season 2, Episode 25 - How to Tell Your Story

The Sixtysomething Podcast – Season 2, Episode 25

[00:00:00] Hey friends, it's me, grace, and I'm so glad you're here. At our stage of life, our 60 something years storytelling takes on a special importance. We've lived through enough chapters to have a whole library of experiences, lessons, and adventures tucked away, but unless we share them.

We risk their fading quietly into the background. Our children and grandchildren may know us as parents or grandparents, but the richness of who we are, our choices, our mistakes, our humor, even the details of daily life in another time, can only be carried forward if we give them. Our stories telling them isn't just about leaving a record.

It's about giving context, [00:01:00] wisdom, and a sense of belonging to the people who come after us. If you know me, you know. How I feel about this. Stories are the glue that bind generations together, weaving threads from our past into our present and future. They're not just entertainment, they're. The DNA of our family identity.

I've been thinking for a long time now, since my dad's death in 2004 about this, but especially since I scanned over 2000 photos of my family a few years ago. Some of them. I couldn't even identify anyone in the photo, which was frustrating and led me to ponder how easy it is to lose those stories if we don't make an effort to preserve them.[00:02:00]

God knows, most of my family's stories are lost forever, and that breaks my heart. That's why today's episode is going to be a big, rich, deep dive into how to tell a story, not just any story, but one that carries your legacy forward. Of course, I have to tell a few stories of my own in this episode.

I don't always completely follow the structure and you don't have to either. All of the suggestions I share in here, they're just that suggestions, ideas, maybe a source of inspiration. A starting place, and I wanna mention that I have many stories, of course, about my husband and my kids, but I don't wanna go overboard in here.

This episode is gonna be long enough and I can save those [00:03:00] for some future episodes. But back to this one. Telling your story is the theme, and we'll begin. Exploring ideas for where and how you can start telling your story, like my five video system and also explore oral histories and even how to start a podcast as a part of your legacy.

Yes. We will talk about formats, tips, and ways to make this fun and doable. And by the time we're done, you'll have everything you need and more to get started, even if you've never thought of yourself as a storyteller. So settle in, get a cup of something good. And let's talk about storytelling. So often I hear versions of the same thing.

We meant to ask Mom about how her [00:04:00] parents met, or I wish I had dad's voice telling me about his first job. And I really loved my dad's story about his first job, and I can barely remember it, but I do remember that it w his job was throwing boxes in a hole. In the ground. I don't really remember any more than that, but that always gives me a chuckle.

We can find these if onlys in emails in Facebook groups, and even in my own house. From myself when I open a drawer and I find an old note from my mom or a Be speckled recipe card, and I think there's a whole world hiding behind this little piece of paper, but if we don't tell that story or we haven't heard that story, that piece of precious memorabilia just becomes a [00:05:00] dead end.

But when we do have the story to tell, well suddenly it's a portal to a different time and place. So if you've been listening to 60 something for a while, you know that legacy. It's more than heirlooms and photos. It's the stories behind them. Okay? Imagine two scenarios. In the first, your grandchild finds a photo of you at the beach.

Wonderful. In the second they find a recording of your voice with the photo describing the sand under your feet and how hot it was. The seagulls crying overhead, the taste of the chocolate ice cream cone you had right after that photo was taken. And that funny moment when a wave knocked you down. And, [00:06:00] uh, your friends laughed and then ran to help you, which do you think they'd treasure more?

Both of them. And it's absolutely doable. Stories do more than document events. They preserve emotions, context, and personality. Just to clarify a story brings those elements into your sharing an experience you've had. That's why those everything you ever wanted to know about mom, dad, grandma, grandpa.

I feel like that's what we're really going for with storytelling, establishing intimacy, friendship, kinship, a relationship over time and distance. Every person's life is filled with so many stories worth telling. Even if they're short, even if they seem. So [00:07:00] ordinary to you. A story about buying your first home in 1975 tells your grandkids about the economy, the furniture styles, the music you played while painting the kitchen walls.

A, a story about learning to drive says something about your personality, your independence, and the people who help shape you. And again, these stories don't have to be long. I find that most of my stories are very short and maybe they're more meaningful that way. So here's an example. So here's an example now.

My husband's mother's mother, so his grandmother lived with them and were, she was very close to them. They called her NAMA and [00:08:00] she was also. Uh, close to their dad, not just their mom, her daughter. And one day his dad, Bob, was sort of boasting about, uh, a wonderful gift that he had gotten for Jackie, their mom, and, you know, all the trouble that he went to.

It was expensive. It was beautiful. I think it was a coat. And Nema just listened and then said, what do you want? A medal?

That's a very short story about someone I never knew in my husband's family, not mine. But this story tells you a lot about me as well as Nama and her daughter, my mother-in-law again, Jackie, and how she was raised. It's, [00:09:00] I love that. I love that Nama just felt like and expressed to her son-in-law that of course, he should be doing everything he possibly could for her precious daughter.

Think about this. History books will cover Presidents Wars, inventions, on and on celebrities, but your family history, well, unless you or someone in your family has acquired some sort of notoriety. That will only be told if you tell it. And the details that seem small and insignificant. Now, the price of gas when you full first filled your tank up, what a payphone sounded like when your dime dropped, the smell of your grandmother's Sunday pot roast, those could very well fascinate someone 50 years from now.[00:10:00]

Okay, so the five videos system, I've talked about it before. One of the easiest ways to get started with preserving your stories and building a legacy quick is my five videos system breaking things down into five capsules. Videos keeps you from getting stuck at the starting line and overthinking things.

Here is an example of themes you might use for these five simple videos as long or as short as you want them to be. I recommend five minutes your Life story video. So share your path from childhood to now. Include key moments, challenges, triumphs, and the values you've held onto. Make a rough timeline.

Childhood home early. School memories. First, friends, first job, big moves, [00:11:00] major relationships. Turning points, what you're most proud of today. Okay, maybe more like 10 minutes. Keep it human. The offbeat details are the ones your grandkids will replay. Your favorite lunchbox, the song you. Wore out on vinyl.

The polka dot dress you adored and your mother did not. How about this? Imagine your younger self is sitting right across from you. What do you want them to know about how your life turned out? What would have comforted them to know? What would've surprised them? So number two, life lessons, video advice, principles.

And here's what truly matters moments that you wanna pass down. Instead of bullet points, tell each lesson through a scene. I failed my driver's test twice before passing [00:12:00] on the third try. And here's what that taught me about persistence. Keep it short. Like I said, five lessons, five mini stories. Start each with a hook.

That time I almost quit the day I learned to say no. What a flat tire taught me about my neighbors. Number three, family stories, video share memories of your parents, grandparents, siblings, an extended family, make people vivid. What did grandpa's laugh sound like? What jokes did your aunt recycle every single holiday?

What was the family's unspoken rule about leftovers the lineage of traditions. We make this soup every New Year's day because my mother's mother [00:13:00] made it and she learned it working in a boarding house kitchen. In my family. My mom wasn't the greatest cook and some. Italian friends who work with my dad came over one time and fixed us an authentic Italian meal with the most delicious meatballs you ever ate.

And taught my mom how to make it. It was so beloved that we had that every Christmas Eve. My mom and dad are gone now, but do you know my kids and I. This is our tradition, new Christmas Eve and Grandma Sheila's Meatballs. Okay, number four, milestone Memories Video. Weddings, births, career achievements, moves, trips.

Choose several and [00:14:00] tell them in detail. Don't just say, we moved to a new house. Describe it. It was the fall of 83. The moving truck broke down and we ended up sitting on the front steps eating pizza from a box while we waited for our beds to arrive. Okay, number five, fun and favorites Video. Share lighter, joyful moments.

Funny stuff. Favorite vacations, mishaps, favorite foods, hobbies and traditions. I really love this one. Create your family's blooper reel. Tell the time the cake slid off the stand. The time you got the giggles in church. Oh, that time your dog stole the Thanksgiving rolls. Uh, one time on Thanksgiving, we answered the door.

When we came back, our dog, Corky had climbed onto the dining room table and she was eating the mashed potatoes. [00:15:00] Oh, you can get, uh, family members to part, participate and tell their own or each other's stories. If you can do that, all the better, the more the merrier. Right. Here are some more examples of subjects for these videos that I particularly like.

The day I met my husband or wife, my most unforgettable character the pet of my lifetime. My saddest day. The one thing I want you to know about me, the theme of my five videos is the most important moments of my life.

One of them is called When Dad Came and Got Me. I was in my late twenties and I'd gotten into some trouble far from home. My dad and I had been feuding because he wanted to use his wisdom to guide me or [00:16:00] run my life in my view at the time, and I was resisting that to the point of self-sabotage. The moment I realized I was in very deep, I picked up the phone, called my dad and said, you win.

I'm sure he was triumphant, but to me he was calm and kind and got right down to the business of saving me. The next day he came to get me, and at this very moment in my mind, I am again in the crowded hallway of that office building, catching sight of him. Down the hall through all of the people coming closer to me with every step, he swept me out of there.

And we went to dinner and then we [00:17:00] stayed up all night talking, which was not my dad, but we needed to catch up. We hadn't had a normal conversation. In a long time. We flew back home to my mom and my brother and began the business of Rebil Re and began the business of rebuilding my life together.

Later I asked him, what would you have done if I'd never called you and we'd never gotten close again? I would die. He said, that was my dad. So the essentials of good storytelling. Here are the core elements. A hook. Begin with a moment of curiosity, conflict or wonder. Give details. Use your senses what you saw, heard, smelled, [00:18:00] touched, tasted emotion.

Let your feelings come through. That's probably the most important thing. Clarity. Stick to one main storyline. End pacing. Try to keep the listener curious. Don't give away the ending too soon. Meaning, and with a reflection or a takeaway. Example, instead of saying, we moved into our first house in 1982, try.

It was July of 1982 and it was hot, and I walked into the little brick house with the blue shutters we just bought it. Had a creaky front porch. The air smelled faintly of old wall wallpaper paste inside and also fresh [00:19:00] cut grass, and I remember thinking, this is ours. Now try this. Exercise. Think of the last meal you cooked instead of I made pasta layers, some details.

What kind of pasta? What was the sauce like? Did the kitchen smell like garlic? Did you burn your tongue on the first bite? These tiny specifics, they make someone lean in, right? And there's no one right way to. Tell a story in terms of the format. Video captures expressions and gestures so that I think that's why it's best, but audio focuses on your voice and the rhythm in which you speak.

Written stories can be passed around annotated and reread for decades. Hybrid formats, combine those [00:20:00] for a multisensory legacy. Don't overlook small tools. Your phone's, camera, a free audio app, even an old camcorder. The goal isn't perfection, it's preservation. Most of us will happily watch a grainy home movie from the seventies because it's not about the picture quality, it's about who's in it.

But I have to stop for a second. To say most of us have a cell phone that records video. That is plenty good enough and it's more likely to happen if you use your phone and record a video because it's right there with you. Just do it. You can always perfect later if that's important to you. I talked about this before.

So many of you know what got me thinking about legacy and what I want. Mine to be [00:21:00] started when my dad died suddenly at 68 years old, 2004, and I was inspired to create a coffee table book for my mom and my two brothers in honor of my dad with hopes of sharing. His indomitable spirit, wicked sense of humor, inventive mind, and lion hearted love for us through these many photos we had of him throughout his life.

I didn't have hardly any videos. I was thrilled with the way the book turned out and eventually my thoughts turned to what I want my legacy to be. It's too late for mom and dad in terms of a wide variety of videos or, or even the five videos, but [00:22:00] I have thought. Very carefully about what I wanna create to leave from my family and my descendants.

And it's changed. It's changed over time. So projects I've taken on. To accomplish this included a family cookbook with my mom's recipes, scanning and archiving over 2000 hard copy photos to perver to preserve them digitally. And they were all my parents' generation and back creation of a digital family archive, uh, to contain all of the above.

In addition to digital versions of my VHS video. Film recordings that had been passed down to me then that was of my family over the years. Not many [00:23:00] and, most of them with no sound. As I mentioned, I focused on my parents and previous generations because there weren't any digital versions before I created them.

My opinion about scanning 2000 photos a good amount of photos has changed, and I, I'll elaborate on that in a future episode. Uh, I'll just say quickly here, I don't think it's necessary, but future projects for me are upcoming and I'll share that more coming up. In a future episode. So here are some ideas about making storytelling a family project, which you don't have to, that complicates it.

You are enough. Five videos is a excellent start, but you can [00:24:00] hold monthly story nights in person or over zoom. Uh, use a prompt jar with slips like first car, favorite holiday meal. Cook a family recipe together and share memories while you chop, stir and taste. My family once did this at Christmas time and it was wonderful.

A simple story night agenda Check in round two minutes each maybe. What tiny thing made you smile this week?

Then one long form story, five to seven minutes by someone who volunteers with a story. They have to tell two shorter memories after that, two to three minutes sparked by that story. Then a question round, what did you learn about our family from this? And then. You wanna capture [00:25:00] it so someone records all of this on a phone or on records.

The zoom labels the file with the date and topic and uploads to a shared folder. Your family archive. Right now I keep all of my archived memorabilia that's digital in a Google Drive folder called Taylor Family Archive. But I'm thinking of moving it to a more permanent spot designed for long-term digital storage and sharing.

I don't wanna go to all this trouble and have someone drop the ball when I'm not around anymore, and the high entire thing is lost. I'll be backing this, this archive up periodically to an external hard drive too. So common. Challenges. I don't know where to start. Well, the first story [00:26:00] that pops into your head is usually ready to go.

My life isn't interesting. Your perspective makes it interesting. I mean, to me, a story that I would share is about how our mom used to take us to the grocery store on Friday nights, and we would each, my brother, my two brothers and I would each get to pick our own box of cookies that were our favorite and we could, you know, eat them all at at once, which I usually did on Saturday mornings in my bed with a book.

Uh, or make them last the week. And, you know, we'd go to shop land and, and she'd buy, you know, our stuff and she would buy those cream horns. Believe it or not, they had excellent cream horns in the bakery shop at Shop Land in Belleville, Illinois back [00:27:00] in the, I guess it would be the early sixties. Anyway.

Uh, to me that's a story . Ordinary events, they can become time capsules. The smallest incident like that could be a treasured family memory, but only if you share it. I ramble, well, I do. I myself do ramble, but use a simple spine, a storytelling structure, beginning, middle, end, or try this set up. Small struggle turning point.

What changed? Now, that won't apply to every story, but you could try it. I get too emotional. Well, you know I do, but that's not a flaw. It's, it's proof that the story matters. Just pause, breathe. Keep going. As I'm [00:28:00] writing my notes for this episode and. Read that last concern. I'm guessing I've choked up at least once or twice during this episode.

I know you're used to it. I, I can be kind of a crier, but these things mean a lot to me. You understand? And it, it is okay. I've told a few stories about my dad here. Here's one about my mom. We went to church most Sundays. St. Matthew's Methodist Church in Belleville Sunday school was before the church service, so my brothers and I usually went along with my mom to adult church and ferry bored.

We were very bored through the usual hour long service, but we were together one Sunday. The pastor, Reverend Outers. He gave a sermon on the story of Abraham and Isaac and the sacrifice. God asked Abraham to [00:29:00] make testing him. Reverend Saters concluded by calling to the altar, anyone who would give everything they had to God as Abraham was willing to do.

Only three people in the entire sanctuary stayed seated. My mom. A devout Christian was one of them. It was a very weird moment. Later, of course, I asked mom why she didn't go up to the front like everybody else, and she said, because I can't give up everything. I couldn't give you.

To me, that's integrity. And I've always been very proud of her for that. Now, here are some story structures you can steal. [00:30:00] A structure helps you try one of these. The postcard, start with a, a vivid image in your mind, like blue shutters, creaky porch from the other story. Three details. Then the one line meaning.

Before, after Bridge, what life looked like, what changed it, what you learned, a BT, and, but therefore, I loved my bookstore job and I imagined staying forever. But then the flood came, therefore. I learned how to start again, or like me, I loved my bookstore job, but then I got robbed at gunpoint when my coworkers went out for coffee on my very first day, which also happened to be my birthday.

So I also had to learn to start again. Ugh, [00:31:00] the mountain. Small challenge, bigger challenge. Biggest challenge, resolution, insight, or the moss style. Five beats. Introduction, the inciting incident, rising complications, climax, reflection. All your stories don't need that kind of structure, but if it helps you especially to tell a longer story, uh, those prompts may come in handy.

Now, here's some that unlock memories. Something you wore until it fell apart, the sounds of your mom and your childhood kitchen. A rule your family had that other families didn't? In my [00:32:00] family, the big rule with my dad was, and I quote, no backtalk, probably a lot of families had that, but. Uh, this was to the extreme.

You couldn't explain what happened. You couldn't even apologize. You were not allowed to speak, and I don't think my brother's ever got in trouble for that , but I, it was my nature to defend the case and, uh, I really feel like that shaped me as a person. So. To continue a place you went that doesn't exist anymore. A song that teleports you to a specific place, the first thing you ever cooked on your own.

A smell you would recognize anywhere. The letter you never sent a time you changed your mind. [00:33:00] Your grandma, your grandpa. For me, just thinking of them, my grandma and grandpa brings stories about them to my mind immediately. The Five Minute Legacy. If the idea of making a legacy sounds big, just shrink it.

It sort of goes with my five video idea. Set a timer for just five minutes. Choose one prompt, one thing to talk about speaking to your phone or make a video of yourself. Stop when the timer goes off. Title it. You just made a legacy artifact. Do it again tomorrow. You can stop at five or keep going The goal.

It is for your great, great, great grandchildren and beyond born when you were no longer even in this world, who [00:34:00] might see a picture of you and wonder what you were like. Like, gosh, I look like her. I wonder what she was like. They can watch a video of you talking. And get to know you. That's something that's a legacy.

And five videos of just five minutes. Can accomplish that, but the more the better. Just remember attention spans can be very short and they're liable to get shorter. So your first five about your, make it about your most important messages to the future. Now you can run a beautiful. DIY oral history Interview at your kitchen table.

Just use your [00:35:00] phone or a simple audio recorder. Sit somewhere quietish and ask open questions. The trick is to let silence do some work. People will fill it in with the next layer of their truth. Favorite interview starters are, tell me about the house you grew up in. Who made you feel safe as a kid? What was hard that you didn't talk about back then?

What was a typical Saturday like when you were 10? If I opened your backpack, purse, or locker in high school, what would I find? What did you think being a grownup would feel like? And then replace why with? Tell me more about. And what happened next, ask for a scene. Where were you standing when that happened?

What did you notice? [00:36:00] Ask for the meaning last. When you think about that day today, what do you hear yourself saying? What lesson did you learn? My projects are mostly about preserving my legacy and my husband's too. Because we are in the quote unquote top spot now. Our elders are gone now, and I encourage younger people to create these legacy artifacts while still younger, but they're busy and probably not really in touch with their desire for legacy yet.

So though I don't have a lot of experience with this sort of project with younger people, if you can get your family members to participate, go for it. What a wonderful addition to a family legacy these contributions would be. I'd [00:37:00] give anything to see my young mom or dad speaking on a video or even just a audio, right?

So how to start a Tiny Family podcast? Well, don't picture a big studio. You don't even have to picture my little closet podcast booth. I have Picture Your kitchen table. A tiny podcast is just a repeating container for family stories. A little novel, right? But. It might get people excited. Pick a title, the Anderson audio album, or Grandma Lucy's back porch.

Pick an episode shaped 10 minute interviews with one prompter, 20 minutes with a long story, plus a favorite [00:38:00] recipe. Really, whatever the interviewee has to share. Build it around that. Pick a day of the month and stick to it. Record on phones, edit lightly or not at all. It's not necessary. And save to a shared cloud folder.

You don't have to publish to the world. You don't have to put it on Apple Podcasts. Just sharing a private link will work wonderfully well. Simple equipment you already have that you can use just your. Smartphone's. Voice memo app. Put it on a folded dish towel on the table to reduce any kind of vibrations.

Sit, close, smile it comes through. Believe me, I'm smiling at this moment and talk. So editing, trim the very beginning if you want, [00:39:00] and the end to remove any rustling or little comments that you don't want in the recording, but you can leave them in if you want. You could remove a long pause.

It's very easy. Don't over polish the ums and the chuckles. They're part of, they're part of the legacy, right? They're part of knowing someone. So naming protocols and organizing the files, just adopt a standard, for example, year, month, day topic speaker, for example. For a video recording, put the same text at the top of a Google document with notes or captions. Future you and generations will hug present you for this. It's a lot easier to find things that way. I will Provide the sample naming conventions, for [00:40:00] your files in the show notes.

The legacy aspect of one of the reasons I'm so dedicated to continuing this podcast, it occurred to me, I don't know, a dozen episodes in what a fabulous edition many of these episodes would be to my family archive and podcasting. It's easy, a lot of fun. I urge you to try it. With or without your family members, you can use photographs as family starters.

Just pull five photos from any decade. For each one, ask and share who took this, who is this? What happened 10 minutes before and after this photo? What is just outside the frame, [00:41:00] smells, sounds, the temperature, whatever you remember, and who might be missing from the photo, but connected to it. Record a two minute picture talk.

Describe what you notice first, what a stranger wouldn't understand, and the meaning the photo carries for you. Now, I would refer to this as a single project, an artifact, a memory artifact. Now there are recipe stories. Family recipes are sneaky time machines, aren't they? The handwriting, the splatters, the substitutions.

You can feel the cooks who came before you. Next time you make a family dish, set your phone on the counter. And I love this. Capture a running commentary of [00:42:00] yourself, what the dough should feel like. The wobbly family rule ad not make until it smells like December. The person you always think of while you're stirring.

In my family cookbook, the first of several I've planned, I featured my mom's recipes with photos and stories to accompany each one. I haven't done a hard copy yet, though I intend to, but I've shared and archived a beautifully designed PDF cookbook. I love this idea about. Recording yourself, cooking a family specialty and reminiscing.

I'm gonna take one of the recipes from that book and try it myself.

Handling sensitive topics with care. Some stories carry sharp edges. You don't owe the world your private memories. And when you choose to share a [00:43:00] hard story, think. About safety and consent. Ask yourself, why do I wanna tell this? Check in with the person or persons in the story. Are they okay with it? Let them know the gist of the message you're trying to convey and where and with whom you'd like to share it. If, if someone says, please don't share that. Respect it. Keep that particular memory private. A word on privacy and tech.

If you store recordings in the cloud, choose a folder with clear permissions. Keep a local backup on a thumb drive or an external hard drive. Title things consistently If you post publicly, again, ask permission. Remember, you can keep a family podcast or. Video series, private [00:44:00] or shared by link only. Now this episode is, uh.

It's gotten pretty long. I think it's my longest one yet. I guess I have a lot to say on this stuff. So I'm gonna conclude I have a lot, more ideas and suggestions, but I'll just, continue that different episode because you already have everything you need to be a family storyteller, the life you've lived, your voice, and someone who will be grateful you spoke.

Start small, leave space for some laughs. And remember, your ordinary day to day could be someone else's treasure. So here are the key takeaways. Storytelling preserves, identity and real emotions. The five video systems, [00:45:00] the five video system, keeps it simple. And powerful, but record in any format, video, audio writing, or a mixture.

Involve your family if possible, but you don't have to. And every life holds so many stories we're sharing. Phew. That was a lot, but I hope you are now excited about telling your stories. There's plenty of information about telling your story in this episode, and you can just check the transcript to find all of the ideas we discussed.

Thanks for spending your time with me today, if this episode inspired you at all. I'd love to hear about it. Share the first story you're going to record. Join us over in the 60 something Facebook [00:46:00] group, and if you enjoyed this episode, would you please leave a review wherever you listen to podcasts. It really helps people find the show.

You'll find instructions on exactly how to. Leave a review in Apple Podcast in the show notes. And again, don't forget, come and join us in the 60 something Facebook group where we can keep this conversation going next time on 60 something, something fun. I'm gonna talk about some of my favorite shows and I'd really love to hear about yours.

So i'll see you next week. Until then, as I always say, keep your sunny side up.