Sixtysomething Podcast Episode 9 - The JOY of Grandkids

Sixtysomething Podcast - Episode 9 - The Joy of Grandkids

[00:00:00] GTS: Hello, and welcome back to 60 something. The podcast created just for us. 60 somethings. I'm grace. I'm your host. We're back here once again. I hope you'll forgive me for being a little late with this week's episode. It was my birthday and I took some time off. Just to have fun. And I did. I had fun. I love my birthday. And I look forward to it every year, my special day. I turned 66. And it doesn't bother me a bit. I'm lucky that way. But in a few years, I may have to change this podcast.

[00:00:47] GTS: Name to 70 something. Yikes. I will keep you posted on that. , this week, we're talking about a subject that just warms my heart and [00:01:00] I'm sure it does yours too. If you've ever had the experience of being a grandparent or a grandchild. It's called the joy of grandkids. I like to start these episodes out with a quote, and this is the one I liked the most. If nothing is going well. Call your grandma. That's an Italian proverb and ain't it.

[00:01:28] GTS: The truth. Ain't it. The truth. That's who I had and that's who my kids had. And it is certainly who I want to be for my grandchildren. The one you call. Having grandchildren can bring such a renewed sense of wonder experiencing the world through the eyes of a grandchild. Can. Rekindle at excitement about ordinary things. That we just forget about as [00:02:00] adults. That unconditional love the bond between grandparents and grandchildren. It's just. Pure love and affection. And that can be life-changing for all concerned. There's this profound sense of legacy that comes from watching your grandchildren grow and develop and carry forward family traditions and values. As a grandparent, we often get a second chance to nurture. And care for little once. Which can be wonderfully rewarding. Sharing our life experiences with our grandchildren. I can also be quite remarkable.

[00:02:46] GTS: I love to tell my grandkids stories about my parents and grandparents. Grandchildren can reawaken the child inside of you. As you play [00:03:00] with them and find your imagination brought to life again. Watching your grand children achieve milestones, whether it's learning to walk or. Graduating from school or performing in a play. It just. Provides immense pride and joy.

[00:03:22] GTS: Being involved in your grandchildren's lives. It often means reconnecting in a meaningful, new way with your children. As well as providing an opportunity to give them some relief and support when you take the kids and give your kids a break. Now and then. Do you remember your grandparents being a grandchild? There's nothing like it. Once again, that unconditional love. I'm sure many of us have very warm and wonderful memories of our [00:04:00] grandparents.

[00:04:00] GTS: I know I do. I had all four of my grandparents. That I spent a lot of time with, I even had great grandparents that I knew. Not well, but I do remember being with them. My mom's grandmother. We called her nanny. And she knew how to make dumplings. Like nobody else. I still make her chicken and dumplings.

[00:04:25] GTS: How about this? I'll put the recipe in the show notes so you can try them. My maternal grandfather's parents. Dutch And Della. They were grandma and grandpa Pflantz to us. I remember seeing them quite a few times. He was a very quiet. Little old man. When I knew him. But he had quite a reputation as a hell raiser.

[00:04:49] GTS: Supposedly he drank rooster blood every morning. And live to be 96. Grandma Pflantz had a bubbly personality, [00:05:00] even as an older lady with their short curly white hair. And big old house dress. She would regale the family with her stories. Those are treasured memories, obviously. But, you know, it's interesting. When I look at the pictures. Of my great grandparents.

[00:05:19] GTS: And as I remember them, They were old. They had old people clothes and.

[00:05:28] GTS: Little old. Lady glasses and old lady hair. The grandma's did, but. I think they were just a little older than I am now, which blows my mind. It just goes to show you how much the culture has changed in the 56 years or so since they were my age. Our age. I couldn't say I was close to our great grandparents.

[00:05:55] GTS: We barely knew them. But with my own grandparents, my mother's [00:06:00] parents, my father's parents. I was very close to all of them.

[00:06:05] GTS: My grandma Liz and grandpa Karl, my mom's parents. They never lived close to us when we were little kids. So they were just our shining stars. We live for that once or twice a year that we got to see our grandmaLiz and grapple Karl. And grandma Liz spoiled us. So terribly. She would take us to the department store and she would buy us. Whatever we want it. And my mom would say. Oh, mother don't buy that.

[00:06:38] GTS: It's too much., and my grandma would say, be quiet. I've been saving all year for this. We were very much. Adoring of our grandma lives and she was amazing. She would do anything. She rode bikes with me. Well, she tried, she fell off and broke her arm. So that didn't really work out [00:07:00] back then. Old people, quote, unquote, didn't do stuff like that.

[00:07:05] GTS: She would come to visit us. And my brothers had bunk beds and I had a canopy bed, but they were all twins and she would take turns, sleeping with each one of us, even on the top bunk. She was really something. And here's what she was like wherever she lived. Usually she lived in an apartment and all of the little children in the apartment gravitated toward her and they called her grandma.

[00:07:34] GTS: She'd tell them, oh, call me grandma, Liz. She was just wonderful. Grandpa. Karl was special too, is very handsome with prematurely white hair. At very deep voice. He followed grandma a lot. Around like a puppy. He was so in love with her. Then my other grandparents, my grandma and grandpa Taylor, they live near us and they took us [00:08:00] everywhere in my experience as a grandparent. Parents of today.

[00:08:04] GTS: They want to do everything. They want to do the zoo. They want to do Disneyland. Oh, not my parents. Oh, you want to take them to the petting zoo. Oh, you want to take them to the circus? Oh, you want to take them to the zoo? Oh, you want to take them shopping? Take them. So we've went a lot of places with our grandma and grandpa. And grandma.

[00:08:26] GTS: She was a very interesting woman. She was a very smart, but she never held a job. I think she was afraid of working. She read the newspaper front and back every day. And she went to. All of our stuff. She went to baseball games, my ballet recitals, and she would always take us to dairy queen after. And if I wanted to get away from home. Which I often did.

[00:08:51] GTS: Cause it was fun. It was fun to go to her house. She had dogs. We had a dog, but she had three dogs and she would let you stay up [00:09:00] really late. And she would get whatever food you wanted. I would just call her on the phone. I'd pick up the phone and I'd call grandma and I'd say, oh grandma, can I come over this weekend? Sure.

[00:09:11] GTS: I'll pick you up on Friday or I'll pick you up on Saturday. And I didn't even ask my mom. I just say, oh, mom. I'm going to grandmas this weekend, which obviously was fine with her. It was a really special thing to have a grandma nearby, who I had that kind of relationship with. Grandpa Taylor would be there too.

[00:09:32] GTS: He was a big man. He didn't talk much. At least not to us. But we knew he loved us. He was really popular. His name was Gilbert. Everybody called him Gill and he could get anything. Like, he was one of those guys who would always say, oh, I know a guy. And he could also build anything. My parents bought a house with an unfinished basement and my grandpa put in the floors. Paneling. [00:10:00] A bar, the most beautiful bar you ever saw.

[00:10:03] GTS: He put in telephones. I'm not sure if that was a completely kosher, but he was fabulous. Very softhearted. So obviously I had really good experiences with my grandparents. My grandmothers especially, they supported me emotionally, my entire life.

[00:10:24]

[00:10:24] GTS: They're gone now, obviously. I probably think about them almost every day. They're all four, my grandparents are buried in the same cemetery in our hometown, and that's kind of special. When my parents were to become grandparents, it was a little weird. I got married quite a while before my brothers.

[00:10:46] GTS: And when I was 21. I had my first son. I was very self-conscious about being pregnant in front of my parents, but they were thrilled. My dad, however, he was 43 at the [00:11:00] time. He was handsome. Quite handsome in good shape. Very vital, man. But he did not want to be called a grandpa. I don't know why he said. Let's have the baby call me Papa bear. Once the baby was born, that lasted like two minutes.

[00:11:18] GTS: He was always grandpa Don. I didn't know what he would be like as a grandfather. My dad could be problematic. You could be hot headed and very impatient. He just never seemed to be interested in little kids. Oh, that ended with my son, Tracy. Yeah, that was just it. He called him stinky. That's what he called him and he paid for anything we needed for him.

[00:11:47] GTS: Nice clothes, toys, portraits. Anything for this little boy. And then my second son, Brad was born. And my dad got that much deeper into being a grandpa. [00:12:00] Eventually we. Moved. Away. And he write me letters on the company. Stationary. I can read one to you. Hold on.

[00:12:12] GTS: Okay. Enclosed is $100 75 for you. And 25 for my little friends. Loved Dad. He was a wonderful grandfather. My ex-husband went into the service. And so we moved far away. A couple of times and my parents would always show up or buy the plane tickets for us to come and visit. My mother. Was the ideal grandmother.

[00:12:43] GTS: It can't express my admiration for the way she managed to become a second mother, literally to my children. And yet never made me feel any kind of competitive newness with her or [00:13:00] judgment from her. I remember when I. Had my first baby and I would be at her house and let's say the baby was taking a nap upstairs and she would hear him crying. And she would say to me, Oh, your baby's crying. I'll go get him.

[00:13:17] GTS: Okay. She always deferred to me. And there was no strife between us whatsoever.

[00:13:28] GTS: I only appreciated her. And the way she loved them. And me.. She would always say, I don't love anybody. Like I love my own kids. And I'm feel that way too, but you can still adore your grandkids. And I do mine and God, I know she did. She loved all of her grandkids. She had 11. With all of her heart. That quote that I read.

[00:13:56] GTS: If nothing's going well, call your grandma. Oh, that was my mom. [00:14:00] As a mom, to me and my brothers, as well as a grandmother, she always supported every one of her children and grandchildren to the. Utmost. That was just who she was. She was a Saint and family was everything to both of my parents. So it's a high bar to aspire to for me. When I became a grandparent.

[00:14:27] GTS: I was 45 years old.

[00:14:30] GTS: I had my first grandchild when my eldest son and his wife. Who had been married for a few years. Got pregnant.

[00:14:38] GTS: They had been high school sweethearts. So I had known his wife since she was a young girl. We'd always gotten along fine. And I remained very close to my son. They had a baby girl. And they named her Elizabeth Kathleen. Kathleen after Leanne, my daughter-in-law her [00:15:00] mother who is also a wonderful lady. I will never forget being at that hospital just hours after Lizzie was born. All of our family lived around here at that time.

[00:15:14] GTS: And we all were at the hospital. Looking into that nursery. At the first grandchild in our family. It was an unforgettably joyous occasion. I was so thrilled to be a grandmother. And my God, I bugged them. I bugged them to let me have the baby come over to my house. And for me to take care of her and them go away.

[00:15:44] GTS: I just wanted that so badly. And my instinct was absolutely correct because it was telling me you're never going to forge the kind of bond you'd want with this child. If her parents are around that's just the truth. And [00:16:00] I've experienced both sides of that coin. So when she was about four months old, I got my chance.

[00:16:08] GTS: They brought her over. And left her here for the first time and we got lucky. She was pretty happy the whole time. I don't think she cried at all. She was such an adorable baby. And my husband, my daughter, who was a teenager at the time and me and our two labs. We all pitched in. Take care of this kid. We took her for a walk to the park in our neighborhood at just four months old, but she did go in the swing and we probably pretended to put her down the slide and it was really fun. It was wonderful. The first time I took care of one of my grandkids. And it was a team effort. 19 years later and now. I have. 15 grandkids all [00:17:00] together. I don't see any of them a lot. That first baby Lizzie she's in college in Oregon.

[00:17:07] GTS: And the next oldest, Emily, my youngest son's daughter. She is about to be 18. Just in a couple of days. And graduating from high school. My youngest grandchild is two and a half. Obviously I have different relationships with each of the 15 different people, different relationships. Some of my grandkids.

[00:17:33] GTS: I haven't had the opportunities to spend as much time with as others, but I'm always seeking the chance to improve my relationship with every single one of them. It's so important to me. Two of my granddaughters, Emily and Vanessa used to come over once a week when they were in grade school and spend the night for one or two nights.

[00:17:57] GTS: So we had a whole routine. I'd make [00:18:00] spaghetti and we go to our favorite. Frozen yogurt place. They love to swim those kids. So they'd be swimming almost the entire time, but we'd find time to go to the movies or bake cookies. Those are just the ties that bind right. The third daughter in that family. Alice, I just want to mention her because she was a little force of nature. This kid would come at you. Like a hurricane and just lavish affection on you. And she always wanted to come over. She was a handful.

[00:18:36] GTS: She really was. But how can you resist a kid like that? I have such fond memories of her. She's a teenager now. And that little kid exuberance is. Probably a thing of the past. But wow. Wonderful memories. Relationships with my grandchildren have been affected by distance when they move away. [00:19:00] It's harder to stay connected and also by divorce. One of my sons has had a very bitter divorce. And it's affected his relationship with his sons, as well as our family's relationships with them. But we hope that as they become adults that will change. My daughter is the youngest of my kids.

[00:19:24] GTS: She has small children ages five down to two and a half, a girl and two little boys. My relationship with my daughter changed when she got married. We were always very close. And I expected to be very involved in her children's lives. Just the way my mother had been like a second mom to my kids. But it didn't really work out that way. I'll talk more about this in the adult child episode. That will be episode 12. [00:20:00] But. Her husband didn't like me. So I wasn't involved in her pregnancy or the birth of her first or second baby. I saw her baby girl a few weeks after she was born.

[00:20:14] GTS: And I probably saw her another four times before the pandemic. And then of course were those two years, in which I didn't see her or her brother who was born during that. Pandemic. Except on video. Rarely. However, there's a happy end to this story. Just to backtrack a bit.

[00:20:40] GTS: I have this thing, I call first grandma. I had four boys. And then I had a girl and I knew all along, just from observation that most grandchildren are closer to the maternal grandparents then to the paternal grandparents. I know there are [00:21:00] exceptions, but that was always the way it was a, my family. And. So that's what I call first grandma.

[00:21:07] GTS: First grandma gets to be what my mom was an essential backup. The second mom. I couldn't be first grandma because I had four sons. Three of them had kids. And I was second grandma always. And I accepted it because it just seemed to be the natural order of things. I knew I had to wait. My turn for my time is first grandma. I was very much looking forward to that. And there was just no question. That would be the case. But it wasn't. I did not get to be first grandma. And it was very sad, but. You just have to accept sometimes the way things turn out.

[00:21:54] GTS: Sometimes you don't have control. But I waited. [00:22:00] And I tried not to do or say anything. That would close the door completely.

[00:22:08] GTS: And indeed my daughter and her husband broke up two years ago. Over that time. We've seen more of each other and I've been able to start forging bonds with those three children. I must say it's been a total joy. After the first few times going to visit her, I went back around Christmas time and the kids were with their dad and she had put up the Christmas tree while they were gone. When she brought them home, I was already in the apartment.

[00:22:40] GTS: She opened the door and they saw me sitting in front of their Christmas tree and they came running and they were so happy. They were saying great.

[00:22:52] GTS: An the unforgettable moment. There've been quite a few more since then. They just came to visit us [00:23:00] a few weeks ago and we all had just a great time. and my husband is really embracing, being a grandfather of these small children. He was pretty much in the step grandpa category because. He just couldn't jump in with my boys, kids.

[00:23:19] GTS: He was interested in them. He liked them. He always supported them coming over and we had to change our schedule because of it. No problem. We would take them out to eat. We took them for, yogurt. He was great about all of that, but he just, he wasn't all in. But he's changing with our daughter's kids. He's 59 now and probably thinking about his legacy. He's more patient. More interested in things like going to the park and feeding the ducks. Believe me almost fainted.

[00:23:56] GTS: When he said he was going to go and take [00:24:00] them for pancakes. But it was fabulous and he was great. I could tell, like he really enjoyed it. When those little grandkids, when they turn to you and they hug you. Or they hold your hand. Or their face lights up when you pay attention to them.

[00:24:20] GTS: That's powerful stuff.

[00:24:22] GTS: And I could see him being affected by that. There are challenges. I'm closer to some of my grandkids than others. I have to accept the reality that if I have 15 grandkids, I'm not going to be as close to every one of them as I am to the others. Who I've known longer or just have more in common with. Or get to see more. I just think it's important to make the effort and I will continue to.

[00:24:53] GTS: Now the joys of grandparenting. As I said before, the unconditional love both [00:25:00] ways. Sharing life lessons. Would be great when there's an opportunity. I do tend to tell a lot of stories about my parents and grandparents and kids our traditions. And if you're a listener, you know, already about my dedication to creating a family legacy that will be there for them when, and if they ever want to know more.

[00:25:25] GTS: New perspectives. It's been huge. I can't emphasize enough how much my grandkids have offered. New ways of looking at issues and events of our times. Their values and opinions are fascinating to me. And honestly, They've been instructional and enlightening. I don't always agree, but it's surprising how often what they say makes a lot of sense.

[00:25:58] GTS: Building [00:26:00] lasting bonds with them is something that I'm always thinking about. I've gone out of my way to figure out. Interests that I can share with them from movies, books, TV shows. We've enjoyed. To baking or drawing together or reviving my interest in Barbies and action figures, light. The incredible Hulk and Spiderman from my days as a boy, mom. These activities, bring us closer by giving us things to talk about and do together, memories we can share. I try really hard to be present.

[00:26:37] GTS: I listen to them. I asked them questions. Paying attention to what they say. And if you have to write it down to remember it, to keep track and believe me, I have do it. It's important that they feel you care about them and know them.

[00:26:58] GTS: Share your [00:27:00] traditions and the family's traditions, make sure to memorialize them on paper.

[00:27:05] GTS: So they'll always be there when anyone wants to remember exactly. What they are. Keep your connection with them alive. No matter how far apart you are. We live in an age when it's easy to stay in touch, call or text on a regular basis, don't bug them. Just call or text them once a week or once every couple of weeks and send a card or write a letter now, and then nobody gets mail these days.

[00:27:36] GTS: So it's pretty special to get something. And it's a treasured keepsake. I have letters and cards from my mother. And my grandmother's. As well as from my brothers and my kids. I treasure them. Bring your grandkids into your life. My granddaughters attended my first event, working for [00:28:00] a community organization several years ago, educating kids on ocean conservation. And I asked my granddaughter, Lizzie. Not that long ago to create a theme song for this podcast. She did it.

[00:28:15] GTS: And she and her sister are the musicians playing on the 60 something theme song. And that's Lizzie singing the song. Find opportunities to share your life and interests with your grandkids. It gives them an opportunity to really know you. Now, as I mentioned, there are challenges. We've got to try to overcome them.

[00:28:40] GTS: Distance. Is a challenge. As I mentioned, though, we live in a time when technology exists to help us overcome the distance between us health and energy levels. This is for real. With my little grandkids, it's pretty much high energy activity. And then low energy [00:29:00] activities such as swimming and then drawing or going to the park and then watching a movie.

[00:29:05] GTS: I don't have enough energy to keep up with them without some downtime. And that seems to work. Navigating parental boundaries. Well, some are just insurmountable in the short-term. If your grandkids aren't interested in spending time with you, or you have a situation with a custodial parent who blocks access. There are some options available, but whether you're able to pursue them successfully or not.

[00:29:36] GTS: Give it some time. Keep trying. Things can change. And these are among the most important relationships you'll ever have. I'm going to close on a high note with a couple of funny grandkids stories that will hopefully give you a laugh. They're both food related, I guess that's not surprising. For about three years from, I [00:30:00] think it was 2010 to 2013, I was a vegan and I was considering trying vegan hot dogs. So I bought some, but I hadn't tried them yet.

[00:30:11] GTS: And we were having a family dinner. I thought I'll just use these for the grandkids. I had a special table for them with the hot dogs and buns and all the fixings. I think the adults were eating burgers and veggie burgers and. I wasn't paying a lot of attention to whether the kids were eating the hot dogs or not.

[00:30:31] GTS: There was a lot going on, but I figured they would, they were little kids. After dinner as I was serving dessert, the children came over to the table where we all were. And Lizzie. Who was about eight at the time, said out of the blue. Grammy, I don't mean to be rude, but those are the worst hotdogs I've ever had. Oh, my God. The number of times I have laughed till I cried at that one. [00:31:00] I can't really say. Then last month. I was at my daughter's place and we weren't just sitting around with the kids chatting and Bella. Who is five. Ask me.

[00:31:12] GTS: What do you in poppy eat for dinner? And I said, well, We have pasta chicken. Pizza. Oh, sometimes we have steaks. You eat snakes.

[00:31:26] GTS: Uh, oh, what was that? Show kids say the darndest things. They most certainly do. Here is a brief interview I did with my three Oregon grand girls. When I visited them last month.

[00:31:41] GTS: Uh, that Lizzie. She'll never forget those bad hot. dogs. You can't pull anything over on her. Uh, in conclusion, I'll just state the obvious. Grandkids or joy personified. They help us reconnect to our younger selves as [00:32:00] well as to our adult children. And I want to encourage you to always make the extra effort to connect with your grandkids, even if they act like they don't care. Because they will. And those memories of you and you're loving them as only a grandparent can they're priceless. I'd really love it.

[00:32:23] GTS: If you would share some of your stories about your grandkids and your experiences as a grandparent. And if you have any tips, we would love to hear them. I've created a few handouts pertaining to certain grandparent questions and concerns you may have about how to connect and relate and overcome obstacles to your relationship with your grandkids. You'll find them in the show notes. Don't forget, you can DM me on Instagram. I'm @gracets or follow me on any [00:33:00] of my social channels or over on the Sixtysomething Facebook group. And if you're not into the social media scene, You can email me. At grace@gracetaylorsegal.com or visit the podcast website at sixtysomething.net. Thanks for being here. I appreciate you. Next time on 60 something. AI for 60 somethings. Make sure to bring your robots.