Sixtysomething Podcast - Bonus Episode 3 - My Story+

Sixtysomething Podcast - Bonus Episode 3 - My Story +

Sixtysomething Podcast - Bonus Episode 3 - My Story

[00:00:00] GTS: Hey, everyone. Welcome back to Sixtysomething. I'm Grace, and I'm so glad you're here. Today is the true finale of Sixtysomething Season One. And today, I'm going to tell you my story. After that, I'd like to do a brief retrospective of this first season and provide a few updates.

[00:00:22] GTS: I'd like to do a brief retrospective of this first season and then tell you a little bit about what I have planned for Season Two. And invite your ideas and your feedback.

[00:00:37] GTS: Without further ado, let me tell you about my life. I was born in Illinois, Southern Illinois to be exact, Belleville. And my family is mostly from the Midwest, the Illinois and Missouri areas.

[00:00:56] GTS: My parents were Sheila and Don Taylor, and [00:01:00] I had two brothers, Mark and Scott. They were one and two years younger than me, and we had a pretty idyllic childhood. Just all the things that you probably remember about your childhood. Running around in our neighborhood, riding bikes, catching fireflies—we called them lightning bugs—having picnics, playing baseball, playing with our dog, with our friends, eating ice cream cones with our mom on the porch, and counting cars.

[00:01:34] GTS: Our parents didn't really have to worry about us. We were on our own in the neighborhood. And when it got dark, they would call us to come in, and we would come running home. And that's what many of our childhoods were like. We watched TV, but there wasn't that much on. So you'd watch some shows like Lassie and Flicka, [00:02:00] Superman. And then it was time to go to school or start your day if it was the weekend, and maybe we'd watch The FBI or The Dick Van Dyke Show at night with our parents. But there just weren't as many screens or as many things on the screens.

[00:02:15] GTS: I can remember so clearly when we got a color TV. My mom and my brothers must have been a weekday. I think we were coming home from school. And we all came into the house, and our dad was there. And he didn't really come home in the day. He didn't come home till, you know, suppertime, five o'clock or something. And we had a basement, and there were stairs leading down.

[00:02:46] GTS: We came in, and he was standing there on the stairs with this big Cheshire cat grin on his face, just looking at my mom. And a very devilish kind of expression on his face. And as I recall, she said, "Oh, no, you didn't." And he was just smiling that smile and nodding his head. He had bought a color TV. Oh, it was such a big deal.

[00:03:20] GTS: Colored TV. Oh my goodness.

[00:03:25] GTS: I do remember also during this time, when they walked on the moon. Remember when they landed and Neil Armstrong got out, and he said his famous statement, "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind." And I remember thinking to myself, I could barely hear him. And this picture is terrible. I can hardly see anything. It didn't hold my interest for long because I couldn't see or hear it well, but I'm very glad today that I saw it.

[00:03:58] GTS: So we lived in Belleville [00:04:00] and then.

[00:04:02] GTS: My dad got a promotion, and we moved to the northern part of the state, Rockford, Illinois. At the time, it was the second-largest city in the state. And unbeknownst to me, we had moved from a very small town to a rather large city. And I guess I was a hick. I didn't feel like a hick, but I just could not get a foothold in this new environment. I couldn't find any friends at school. I never felt comfortable when I would go to join anything.

[00:04:44] GTS: The truth is, I don't think I had ever had to make friends. I just pretty much always knew everybody from first grade on, and I didn't have the skillset. It took me a year and a half really to find friends. And probably three years to find a true best friend. I didn't have a lot of boyfriends, a couple toward the end of school. But I did start acting in school plays and mostly got the leads and determined that I wanted to become an actress.

[00:05:22] GTS: I ended up attending Macalester College in St. Paul, Minnesota, because I liked the way their catalog looked. Don't even ask me what that had to do with it. I had a boyfriend from senior year of high school. He wasn't a very well-behaved boyfriend, cause he was always going out with people behind my back, sometimes my friends. And he drank a lot. He would get drunk and show up late, but you know, I liked him. He was cute. He went to Western Illinois University and [00:06:00] came to visit me in St. Paul. We continued to keep in touch, and eventually, I transferred from my cool little private college to this state school where he went, and we were together all the time. Eventually, we got engaged. But when my parents discovered, due to letters I had left in my room—those letters keep getting me in trouble—that we had, you know, kind of an intimate relationship going on, this was 1977. They gave me an ultimatum. They said, "You can come home, and you can go to a different school, and we'll start a new plan, and everything will be fine."

[00:06:40] GTS: Or, my dad speaking, "I'll give you the 54 bucks left in your checking account, and you can keep the used Buick. But you're done." Well, we all know you can't get financial aid in two weeks' time. This was Thanksgiving. And my fiancé and I decided the only [00:07:00] alternative available to us was to get married and move into student housing, and he would keep going to school and graduate.

[00:07:09] GTS: And then I would work. When he graduated, I would go back to school. Well, you know, that never happens, but he did graduate. We eventually had a baby.

[00:07:21] GTS: We made up with my parents. He went into the army. After a couple of years, he became a captain in the Army Corps of Engineers. Eventually, we had four boys and started traveling around the country and even went to Germany for a year. I did not like it there. I didn't like traveling around with kids who were now starting school. And the marriage was rocky all along.

[00:07:47] GTS: It just fell apart. By this time, so me and my little chickens, my four little boys, we moved back to the States, to California, where my [00:08:00] parents had relocated. Rancho Mirage, California. And so by age 30, I had moved to California. But I couldn't get a job. And I had to have a job. It was so awful. I had the basic skills.

[00:08:15] GTS: I had a good personality. My appearance was fine. Even some experience through some part-time jobs that I'd had. But people would always ask me in the interviews, "Do you have any kids?" And I would say, "Yes, I have four boys." I was proud of them and thinking these people will really know, I have to have a job.

[00:08:36] GTS: I gotta be reliable. And I'd always include, "I've got the best daycare available because my mom is taking care of these kids and three of them were school-age so they would be in school." Nope. Never. Nobody would hire me. Crazy. Finally, a Xerox copier salesperson who had her own little [00:09:00] business took a chance on me.

[00:09:01] GTS: Her parents worked in the office also. She paid me five bucks an hour. This was 1988. She used to call me "baby doll."

[00:09:12] GTS: Oh, gosh. Shortly after going to work for Cindy—that was her name—I decided to start paralegal school at night. I took out a loan against my dad's advice, and I went to paralegal school. But one of several things that really did make going to this school worthwhile was that part of the curriculum was computer training. This was back in the days of DOS and dBase III before Windows. And I had this computer that was part of the deal going to the school. I was taught those programs, and I spent a lot of time training myself at home. So I was in on computers pretty early on before Windows.

[00:09:58] GTS: For sure. [00:10:00] And it's a skill that would serve me very well over the years.

[00:10:05] GTS: I had to work full time, so I couldn't go to school full time. But then something wonderful happened. My dad, who was in the insurance business, had a district in the desert, and he and a colleague had gone up to the Ritz-Carlton hotel for a business lunch. And he happened to be seated with the general manager of this Ritz-Carlton, a very courtly, distinguished-looking German man with an accent named Wolfgang Baere. And my dad says to him, "Hey, can you give my daughter a job?" And

[00:10:40] GTS: Mr. Baere said, "I don't know. Have her call me." He gave my dad the beautiful business card with the Ritz logo. Dad comes home and says, "You've got to call this guy." So I thought, "Okay." Because I was thinking I could work the night [00:11:00] shift there, and then I could go to paralegal school full-time in the day and graduate more quickly. So I called, and the Ritz—I don't know if they still have this policy, but back then they had a no-screening calls policy. So I called it.

[00:11:15] GTS: Got the switchboard. "Thank you for calling the Ritz-Carlton Rancho Mirage. How may I direct your call?" "Mr. Baere, please." "Certainly, my pleasure." Then the second layer: "Thank you for calling the executive office. How may I direct your call?" "Okay. Wolfgang Baere, please." "Certainly, my pleasure." They don't ask you why you are calling; they just put you through. "Thank you for calling the executive office of Wolfgang Baere. This is Nancy, Mr. Baere's executive assistant. How may I help you?" "I'm trying to reach Mr. Baere." "Oh, certainly, my pleasure."

[00:11:48] GTS: Boom. She puts me right through. "Hello, this is Wolfgang." And so I tell him my story, "You met my dad," and he invites me to the hotel. [00:12:00] Thank God I wore a nice dress. Back then you wouldn't go to a job interview in anything but a nice dress. But I pull up to this gorgeous place. Now, my family had been to some nice hotels, traveling with my parents on vacations and to educational conferences. But I had never been to a hotel like this. And I walk in and walk to the front desk, ask for Mr. Baere. They're totally giving me the eye because who the heck am I to ask for this guy? And he comes out. And I wish I had a picture of him.

[00:12:35] GTS: He was so handsome, so distinguished-looking, and so nice to me. Right in front of the doors. When you walk into this gorgeous lobby, there's a table with incredible flowers. And then there are two love seats. And they were facing each other. Mr. Baere sat in one love seat, and I sat in the other one. And we're just talking. [00:13:00] And eventually, he said, "Well, what would you like to do?" And I said, "What do you got?" Because I didn't know any of the jobs in a hotel. So he said, "I'm going to have you speak to my director of rooms and my director of food and beverage."

[00:13:17] GTS: And then after you talk to them, you may have a better feeling of what you'd like to do. So he puts me in with the room's guy first. Mr. Boston, just a total fox, his name is Mark Caney, I still remember. And I went in, and we had the most delightful conversation. I can't remember a thing about it. But then he took me next door to the director of food and beverage, and he said, "This is Grace Taylor. Mr. Baere brought her in to talk to us about a job. She doesn't have a resume, but she talks a good game."

[00:13:54] GTS: So I talked to him. Some time went by, and they called me in again, and I interviewed with the reservations [00:14:00] manager. And by September, I was hired.

[00:14:05] GTS: I went up to the hotel on the first day. And if you work in a hotel, you enter in the back, and even if you're a salaried employee, you walk through the labyrinth of the hotel to get to your office, the front desk, or the bell stand, wherever it is you are working. And it's usually a hike. And I got to the reservations office. At this Ritz-Carlton, they had combined the switchboard and the reservations office. So you were doing both jobs, and they had a system, and it did work great. But this switchboard thing was tricky. And I remember going home that first day and telling my mom, "I don't think I can do this.

[00:14:44] GTS: This is complicated. It's too hard." But I went back. And then I went back again, and of course, I got very good at the switchboard and also at selling rooms. I was selected to [00:15:00] go on a trip to the Buckhead Ritz-Carlton property and make a presentation at central reservations because I had been on a test call with a top corporate guy, and it was so great that they chose me to do this.

[00:15:19] GTS: It was really something. So I went with the director of marketing, Pam, and made a presentation there. Obviously, my stock was pretty high in the hotel at that time. Shortly after that, I graduated from paralegal school. I was all set to be a paralegal and maybe even become a lawyer one day. Except there were no paralegal jobs in this desert at that time. And I had to live here because I had those four little kids, and I had to have my parents' help. And they certainly weren't moving to LA or San Diego.

[00:15:54] GTS: I was still living with them. I was still getting rides from them. I didn't even have a [00:16:00] car. So I switched gears. I switched gears and decided to pursue a career in hotels. And one of the things that made me decide to do that was the director of sales and marketing, Pam.

[00:16:15] GTS: We had become acquainted on that trip to Buckhead. And a few weeks after that trip, she came to me, and she said, "I recently promoted my assistant, Tammy, into a sales manager job. Would you like to do that? Because if you want to come down and be my assistant for a year or two, you could follow the same path." Now sales managers were the hotel's elite. They entertained clients and went on sales trips and had offices and assistants. They mostly worked the normal nine-to-five Monday through Friday schedule too. So I already had my eye on that job, obviously. You can bet when Pam asked me that question, I freaking jumped at the [00:17:00] chance. Uh, but here's the twist.

[00:17:02] GTS: There's always a twist, right? The day I started that job, I got in early, uh, you know, I knew that terrain. So I knew where my desk was. I got to my desk ready to work for Pam, my mentor. And then the stranger walks in the door.

[00:17:21] GTS: Pam had been fired over the weekend, and this stranger, Mike, a hardcore member of the boys' club, came in. And for the almost two years I worked for him, he belittled me. He overburdened me with more work than I or anyone else could do. He refused to promote me. He blocked me from moving into a different department, even so that I could become a manager from there. And his excuse was, "You have kids. You can't move up." I accepted that even though I adored this place and had planned a long career with Ritz-Carlton. I would have to go somewhere else and find something else. It just wasn't going to happen for me there. In my exit interview, the director of human resources, a man, told me,

[00:18:12] GTS: "Well, you have kids, you wouldn't be able to do that job." It was heartbreaking because it wasn't true. It took me a good year to get a new job, and it wasn't a job as a sales manager. I got a job as a sales secretary. Again, basically starting all over. It was another year or more until I was able to step into a different role. I worked hard at this new job, and I got really lucky in working for some people who believed in me and let me do their job for them so that I knew how to be a sales manager. And eventually, I applied for a job at a different hotel. I wasn't quite qualified, but I knew I could do it.

[00:18:58] GTS: I got hired. And I'll [00:19:00] tell you what, that first day arriving for work as a sales manager at the DoubleTree Resort in Palm Springs was one of the happiest days of my life. I feel funny saying that, but it is absolutely the truth. I was so overjoyed to have realized that goal. Immediately, the next week, I was traveling.

[00:19:24] GTS: I was doing all of the sales manager things. I met my husband the day I started working there, and I started dating him a few months later. Even though he was not the type of guy I usually went for. He was nice. He swept me off my feet. He befriended my sons and loved them. The next year we were married, and the following year we had our baby. Finally, a girl, Juliet. Things were good. Very good.

[00:19:53] GTS: I worked my way up the hotel sales manager ladder. Eventually, I was a director of [00:20:00] national accounts, traveling regularly to New York and Boston and Philadelphia. Also to client events in the Caribbean and Canada and scheduled for European events. Exciting stuff. I'm making great money, great bonuses, great benefits. But guess what?

[00:20:20] GTS: I was bored. I was getting bored with the work. And I felt increasingly uncomfortable with the travel. I had a little child, a little daughter, and my other four kids. They were all still at home. I started feeling bad about getting on planes so often. I had a better territory and was flying almost every month to far-flung places where I was expected to stay for at least five nights, right over the Saturday night.

[00:20:52] GTS: Remember, I didn't want to do it anymore. So I quit. I was ready for a new career. [00:21:00]

[00:21:01] GTS: A new challenge. A little side note. I loved the hotel business in the summer of 2001. Then came 9/11. A delegation of my colleagues was in New York on that day. I most certainly would have been there too. They were safe, but they had a hard time getting back home. And I was so grateful that for once my timing was good, and I missed that whole experience. I had become very interested in marketing during my hotel career, but it's difficult to get into marketing in a hotel.

[00:21:37] GTS: Most hotels don't even have a marketing manager on the property. But I read an article about the director of marketing at the local newspaper, the Desert Sun, and it impressed me. She impressed me. Her name was Michelle Kranz. I decided I wanted to work for her. So I sent her notes and left her [00:22:00] messages consistently for two months. Even offered to intern for her for free. Eventually, she called me and said, "Are you crazy?"

[00:22:12] GTS: She hired me again for a job that I wasn't qualified for: market research analyst. But I pulled it off somehow, and they wanted me to stay. I did. I moved into a job I was more suited for. But it wasn't the best setup. It's a rather wild and wooly business, the newspaper business, and you're pulled in a million different directions at once. I eventually found myself in a position where I was supposed to hire people, but there was no desk for them, no computers for them, and their job responsibilities had not even been determined or their pay. That did me in. I left the newspaper and gradually worked my way into, believe it or not, independent publishing and design work. I guess I got a taste of publishing at the paper and learned enough there to parlay that experience into becoming the editor, production manager, graphic designer, and ad sales director for a 100-page monthly magazine produced for an active adult community—Sun City Palm Desert to be exact. I taught myself a lot of the technical skills I needed, but I give the lion's share of the credit for my being able to successfully pull that whole thing off to colleagues

[00:23:35] GTS: I met at the printing company I worked with, ACE Printing, where Mark, the owner, directed Cindy and Sandy in prepress to help me develop as a professional. And they did. And they are my beloved mentors. Eventually, I was producing five magazines per month for four or five different communities. It was a little [00:24:00] harrowing at times, since they all published about the same time every month; they wanted the magazines to go out in the first. But it was very rewarding and lucrative work. I did that for a good 10 years. One of the best things about it was my time was my own. I didn't have an office to go to. I worked out of my house. I was able to pick up my daughter every day from school. I could schedule my work throughout the month in the way that worked best for me. And then it was time to do something else. However, another twist. I thought I'd go back to working in hotels now. Go back to being a sales manager.

[00:24:42] GTS: I was very experienced, highly qualified. But I couldn't. Dead end. No one would hire me. I didn't realize it at the time, but I feel sure now it was ageism. Why hire a 55-year-old when you can hire a 30-year-old? [00:25:00] I had aged out. Okay, got it. Then I started to go for jobs I didn't really want, administrative type stuff. I couldn't get hired for that either. So, I reluctantly retired, I guess you'd call it. Dorothy was a puppy then, and I could mother her full time and do the odd publishing or marketing job for a friend now.

[00:25:22] GTS: And then this year, I created a job for myself with this podcast, and I've loved it. I've loved every minute of it. So, I think I'll keep doing it. This is my job now. That's my story, at least a good part of it.

[00:25:40] GTS: If you ask me, "What did I learn? What is my philosophy after all of these experiences?"

[00:25:48] GTS: Persistence. Keep trying. Keep believing. You're going to find it. Keep believing you can do it. Keep your head up. Keep your head up and keep your head down. [00:26:00] Be positive. But also do your work. I have some regrets. I imagine we all do. I wish I would have pursued a career in theater. I wish I would have been wiser in many decisions I've made, both personal and professional. But they've all led me here to who I am. And I believe who I was meant to be. All in all, I'm very happy with my life and definitely with this time in my life. I accidentally fell in love with the most wonderful husband in Aaron Siegel, and that relationship

[00:26:40] GTS: has given my life stability and has been a true romance for over 30 years. Just lovely. Such a blessing. My children and grandchildren are doing well at the moment, and I'm on speaking terms with all of them. Hallelujah.

[00:27:03] GTS: My health is okay. My dog is only five years old. And winter is coming, as they say on Game of Thrones. When you live in the desert, that's very good news. Now you have the 411 on me. Next, I'd like to just quickly review the highlights of Season One.

[00:27:25] GTS: In all, I produced 17 episodes. Kicked things off by talking about being 60 plus and making the most of our third act—that was in episodes one and two. Highlights of the season in my mind? Well, the legacy episode, episode three. You know, legacy building is a passion of mine, so that makes sense. Love the grandchildren episode—that was episode nine for obvious reasons. I'm really into the concept and practice at my beginner [00:28:00] level of using AI.

[00:28:01] GTS: So, I also loved that AI episode—that was episode 10. The three related episodes about adult children, estrangement, and the interview with my daughter—episodes 12 to 14—were so meaningful to me and surprisingly full of epiphanies. Finally, collaborating with my adorable husband on the movies and TV shows—bonus episode one we enjoy—was just an absolute joy.

[00:28:35] GTS: Here are a few of the subjects I'm considering for next season's podcast: pets, more on legacy, faith, volunteerism, entrepreneurial pursuits, loneliness, isolation, and friends (or lack thereof), marriage, divorce, widowhood, dating, coping with loss, end-of-life considerations, girls' stuff, travel I recommend, social media, generational trauma, and spark your creativity.

[00:29:07] GTS: And that is about half my list. So, please let me know what you think about those, and if you have any suggestions or if any of them pop out to you. I'd like to shout out the members of the Sixtysomething Podcast Facebook group: our first member, Rebecca; our second member, Kathleen; new members, Tracy, Elliott, Carol G. Thank you all for taking the time to join and comment, and also, of course, for listening. It means so much to me. I also want to thank my friend and loyal listener, Carol C., as well as my guests this season: my daughter, Juliet; my son, Brad;

[00:29:47] GTS: and of course, most of all, my husband and number one fan of the show, Aaron Siegel. Baby, none of it would have happened without you. I love you. Finally, [00:30:00] in closing this episode and this first season of Sixtysomething, I'm going to tell you a little story. A couple of them, actually. A few episodes ago, I told you about Dorothy being sick at the same time I was sick.

[00:30:13] GTS: And in the midst of it, I was telling someone about it. And their reaction was, "Poor Dorothy. I hope she feels better." Well, of course, I did too, but I can't help it. I'm thinking, in response to that, "What am I, chopped liver?" Immediately, my thoughts turned to my mom. And here's what I was thinking: how I wish she was alive. Not only because she'd actually be here covering for me with Dorothy so I could get the sleep I needed to recover, but mainly because of how much she cared. She always cared so much, whether it was a sick kid, a sick dog, me [00:31:00] being sick, or just having a bad day. She really cared. One of my friends asked me to call her after my cataract surgery a few months back, just to make sure that she knew I was okay, and it stopped me cold. I broke down in tears. No one had said that to me since my mom died. Don't get me wrong.

[00:31:24] GTS: I am truly blessed with my husband, and I know it. He cares so much about me, but it's different. Your mom's concern is special. And even though my friend isn't my mom, it just reminded me so much of her and the way she was. She always needed me to check in and let her know that I was okay. I want to say to you that, although I'm not your mom, I have been remiss in stating emphatically in every episode how much I care about you. Because I do. Because you deserve that. [00:32:00] Everyone does. If you haven't had that,

[00:32:03] GTS: well, now you do. And if you do, just add me to your list of supporters.

[00:32:09] GTS: I want to be like my mom and like Mrs. Norbeck to you. Let me tell you about Mrs. Norbeck.

[00:32:20] GTS: Mrs. Norbeck lived across the street from us in Rockford. She had seven kids, so she was a really busy lady. And I didn't spend a lot of time with her.

[00:32:31] GTS: But she made me feel like I knew her. I've never known anyone quite like her. I was a 14-year-old introverted goofball, but she always made me feel like the most special person she'd ever met.

[00:32:50] GTS: I've heard people say that there are angels living among us on earth, and if that is true, Mrs. Norbeck had to be one of them.

[00:32:59] GTS: [00:33:00] I recognized even then that I wanted to be like her.

[00:33:06] GTS: I am not like her. But I still really want to be. And so, I strive. My striving is often more part-time rather than full-time, I'm afraid. I grew up, moved away, and I never saw Mrs. Norbeck again, but it's been over 50 years, and I've never forgotten her. My point is this: every time you come in here to listen, I want you to feel

[00:33:32] GTS: like Mrs. Norbeck made me feel.

[00:33:35] GTS: Like I care about you.

[00:33:38] GTS: And that you are the most wonderful person in the world. You know how to reach me, and I encourage you to do so to take this friendship to the next step. But even if we don't, every single time we're together in the podcast talking about our 60-something stuff, be it dogs or kids or baking frigging cookies, I want [00:34:00] you to feel like you're standing in Mrs. Norbeck's front yard like I did, and I'm making you feel like a million bucks, just like she made me feel. That's what we're doing here, okay? We're practicing caring like my mom, like Mrs. Norbeck, which may be the most noble pursuit imaginable. Cause that's love. You know what love is, don't you? Love is the morning and the evening star. Huh. I had to get a good quote in, you know, Burt Lancaster said that as Elmer Gantry. It's just a movie quote that I love to wrap up this heartfelt reminder and this first season of Sixtysomething. Farewell for now. I'll be back in September for Season Two of Sixtysomething. Have a great summer vacation. And if you want to see what I'm up to during the hiatus, come over and follow me on social media.

[00:34:57] GTS: All of my info is in the [00:35:00] show notes. And if you reach out to me, you will hear back from me. Thank you, as always, for listening and for caring. I love you all.